“Sweet the smell ‘oered morning’s dew”
Arcadia smiled as she sipped her freshly ground and cold-brewed Sumatran kopi luwak coffee, with her perfectionist swirl of heavy rich cream.
“Whist in the country, do as country poets do” her current mantra.
Thus, she told her publisher, in Spring she would plant the burgeoning seeds, in Summer, nurture their tender tendrils, and in fall, reap a rich harvest of rural idylls and pastoral poems.
“Gone, gothic indelible ink brush-strokes, kohl-lined unblinking horror-taken eyes, bodice-ripping, muscle rippling photo-surrealism. Replaced with egg wash canvases of Turneresque light overswept with Hardyesque vision,” she was sure to coo in dulcet tones to the sturdy farm boys and olive-skinned shepherdesses frequenting her pre-planned Saturday front porch salons.
She chose her rural idyll, pastoral eden through careful googling and skyping. Perfect 12 room, three bath cottage surrounded by bucolic fields where plain rural folk practiced gentle and humane animal husbandry, sustainably grew fields of organic hemp, and lived such simple idyllic lives. Following in the clog-steps of their Acadian French peasant ancestors.
She hummed Beethoven’s 6th sympathy, The Pastoral, as she opened each Amazon prime, drone-delivered package of high-end clothing suitable for country attire. Hiking boots of llama leather, long, flowing silken butterfly and iris batiked skirts to be topped by blue and red French “jouy de toile” tunics. Essential oils sun-screen.
She met her dazzlingly blond and white toothed realtor at a quaint country inn nearby her new home. “You will simply adore Olivia – Petunia Cottage. They last owners, sadly developed an allergy, and had to move to the inner city.”
They bumped down patch-worked asphalt country lanes, variegated and myriad verdant grasses sprouting from the potholes. At last, her rural idyll-writing Shangri-la spread out before her, solar panels glintening in the late afternoon sun.
Arcadia opened the door to her Tesla SUV: “Repeating in [her] amorous fits, Oh! Sheffield, Sheffield, Sheffield s***s!”
I took a satirical view of Teresa’s invitation to write a pastoral for mlmm Saturday Mix. In the 1980s, the Sheffield Mills area of King’s County, Nova Scotia was well known for two things – the number of eagles that gathered along the Sheffield River in winter, and the aroma of multiple pig and poultry farms. When city folks and academics at the expanding local university flocked to enjoy country living, law suits began telling the pig farmers to cease and desist. Had any of the potential home owners truly sniffed the air with their upturned noses before their move, well . . . pig manure by any other name. The last line is in reference to Jonathan Swift’s wonderfully satiric “The Lady’s Dressing Room.” (The hyperlinks are for reasons obscure and obvious.)
Lorraine's frilly freudian slip 
June 7, 2017 at 10:10 pm
I truly appreciate the satirical elements here along with the pastoral. I am always amused when people come to the country thinking it will be that perfect and quiet setting because the farm is often noisy and smelly. Thanks for joining.
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June 7, 2017 at 10:32 pm
I was reading about pastoral poems and painting after your prompt, and there seems to be a historic disconnect between the idyll and reality.
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June 7, 2017 at 10:43 pm
Absolutely. People do not realize the hard work and heartbreak that often accompanies the farm/rural life.
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June 5, 2017 at 6:00 pm
my grandfather had a farm, well one of them, anyhow, at one point, when he no longer needed to work all of his acreage, he rented it out; so the farmer in question, over the next few years, used the land etc. and one spring, he asked my grandfather whether he wanted him to turn his few fields (his vegie garden) and prep it – manure. So my grandfather agreed. Well hell, that was the year the “switch” to trials was made using pig manure – liquid pig manure. Yeah, holy hell!
Anyhow, since you’re already so well versed with these types of stories – just allow me to note: you are so well versed! You did a great job with the prompt – love the lyrical feeling, I felt and could a song in my head as I was reading along – truly – and love how you “romanticized it” – the small touches – hahahah drone delivered Amazon prep and then the grand arrival etc. And when I saw the image you used? Made me laugh – I stumbled on this on pintrest not too long ago :D
And yeah, of course, as noted in your post: the grass isn’t always greener … and funny, when things change, sometimes in the case of the farms changing techniques etc. it can be more than a huge problem, but it’s kind of like “crying wolf” without never having really check out and scoped out a place – or even considered: all creatures great (I’ll account the animals here in this category) and small (that would be us humans) have bodily functions, and no one’s sh^T smells any better than anyone else’s …. and yeah, pass the frying hot out of the pan bacon, but don’t think on actual agriculture or production of the goods ….
anyhow, I really enjoyed the trip here – and I can bet the eagles were stunning to see – oh, sending shivers down my spine at the thought
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June 5, 2017 at 11:08 pm
We were lucky to have eagles and hawks in the winter just outside our door due to the local chicken farmer tossing out the dead ones. The line of trees by our place was the closest perching spot to the chicken buffet. To stand at the back door and count 6 eagles and over 12 hawks one particular morning . . .
This year, had the 25th eagle watch in Sheffield Mills, so the birds are still coming.
Yeah, mechanized agriculture is not real agriculture — it’s a factory farm. At least some are trying to go back to the “old” meaning more organic way of farming. And composting cow manure makes for a big smell improvement.
No sympathy for those who bought old farm houses on the cheap, and found out that s**t does stink! We laughed at the law suits, many of which were dismissed. Though liquid pig manure (and how the pigs are kept) is not pleasant.
Glad you enjoyed it. I tried to pour on the rural romanticism, which you caught, and subtle and not so subtle hints at pastoral themes. I have the first line of poetry come rushing in when I looked at the prompt — then decided to wrap Sheffield Mills around it.
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June 6, 2017 at 7:22 pm
You did it really well – the whole piece. :)
Agribusiness is Big Business – and it’s not a good thing – far too much waste, inhumane conditions, and honestly, with all the “profit and production” – even in just Canada alone, we, as a nation, should have absolutely not one single person wanting for lack of a well-balanced, healthy and nutritional meal, at least once a day – and yet? not the case – totally mind blowing, and not in a good way.
Wow – that must have been incredible – bird count – and such birds of majesty – well, all birds are, in their own way, but to see those species, and in such numbers, = breath-taking.
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June 7, 2017 at 4:34 pm
Yes, the old “charity begins at home” which people trot out when developing world needs our help.
It is criminal that people go hungry, especially children, every day here in N. America. That woman have to chose between feeding themselves and feeding their children. That ketchup and relish counted as “vegetables” in children’s school cafeterias once.
I almost started an argument after my aquacize class . When in conservative, Republican ritzyville, I should keep my big mouth shut. At least one woman came to my rescue. Then another. I share a locker room with Trump supporters and that scares me.
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June 8, 2017 at 12:51 pm
Right – so you are doing the aquafit? that’s great then – hope it’s helping …. and now, onto the rest, perhaps more relevant part of the comment ….
I just think it’s bloody criminal that we can’t or won’t help ourselves …. and yet we would, even then, still have such an abundance to share our “wealth” with those most in need – in the world at large, and I’m not just talking about dropping donations and money, but the idea of help and work with communities, listening and truly working within the parameters and their experiences, of what the real needs are, as opposed to “we know better” – so help them help themselves, in more than short term fashion, in sustainable ways ….. yet, why can’t we see it? or more to the point, do it. Thankfully, Canada doesn’t have such a bad track record in these types of endeavours, but honestly, there is always room for improvement, and that includes “at home” too.
Well sometimes, when one is surrounded by such a “wealth” of narrowness of mind, then it can become too much; unfortunately, too many people, so often so damn sure and certain they are “right” – refuse to even entertain or consider any other idea, fact or statement, which means, it becomes an aggressive “battle” right in the beginning. And worse yet, it’s the damn arrogance of truly expecting and believing that the whole world is in agreement with THEM – so “silence” according to them, equals “rightful justification” – and yet, it was Einstein, (and I think he was brilliant in so many ways) said “if I were to remain silent, I would be guilty of complicity” – so I guess, it means, learning to know when and which battles to “fight” …..
At the very least, I’m glad that there were others who “stood up” and were willing to show support.
Intelligent debate, much less conversation, is a long lost art and science :(
As is the idea of “agreeing to disagree” – without it being a full out war ….
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June 9, 2017 at 9:20 am
Yes, Einstein was brilliant, and not just as a mathematician and physicist. One of my favourite quotes (used to be my email signature line) was an adapted one his: time is relevant to the motion of the observer so that one person’s now is another other person’s then.
Yes, I agree — it’s more than just putting money in the alms box, or helping the “deserving poor” (God, that term is back in use here again). It is listening, trying to understand, not to see the world in terms of capitalism, but in localism. What works in America isn’t necessarily a model that that just be transplanted — wasn’t that what colonialism was about, and look where that got things in some places!
And, to have intelligent debate you need intelligent people — something the world is sadly lacking in — and debate is indeed a lost art and science. I remember having to debate pros and cons in school — without name calling, slander, false facts, etc.
Agreeing to disagree seems to help only the arms manufacturers, gun runners, and war mongers. And this can’t be said lightly in a country were at least 46% of the population admits to owing at least one gun. God, a neighbour had 44 guns confiscated a few years ago.
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June 12, 2017 at 12:37 pm
YIPES! 44 guns – confiscated! Holy ….
right – sorry, but that just totally blew me right out of the water …. I had weapons ….
You’ve noted such important ideas here, in your comment – sound, sane – and definitely understood, from all aspects, not just “historical” or from a ‘historian’s” perspective – but also for the sociological, which by default, maybe, includes the humanitarian perspective … so I’m nodding my head in agreement, and have nothing to add ….
And yeah, that’s a totally great quote, the one you mentioned, from Einstein – totally –
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June 4, 2017 at 5:42 am
So well done Lorraine, I too was subjected to Beethoven’s Pastoral…
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June 4, 2017 at 6:04 am
Thank you. I was inspired to be witty by your Doomsberry “cycle” and the line “Sweet the smell ‘oer morning’s dew” popped into my head, reminding me of the Sheffield issues back when I lived in the area — though not near the pig farm. I was subjected to cow manure sprayed onto the neighbouring field — uncomposted cow manure . . . We did get a few eagles, though, right outside our door as the other neighbour raised chickens and like Sheffield Mills, threw out the dead ones for the hawks and eagles. Lovely sight on a winter’s morn, to see eagles feast whence we raised corn.”
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June 4, 2017 at 6:05 am
Life in the country is not always pleasant
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June 4, 2017 at 6:37 am
Yes, not the rural idyll — an onslaught to all the senses. But then there are those bucolic moments that, though overblown by pastorals, still content the spirit and the soul.
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June 3, 2017 at 11:43 pm
The previous owners developed an allergy you say? Hmmmm. I know I should say something witty now, but I’ve forgotten what I was going to say. Ha!
I do love your humor tonight.
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June 4, 2017 at 6:05 am
No need for wit in your reply, just glad my humour was appreciated.
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