I tend to start with good intentions (my grandmother always reminded me that the road to hell was paved with good intentions) and something happens. Fear of commitment; loss of energy impetus; lack of words; and just plan forgetting! There are several things I am supposed to do each day to help with mental and physical healing. And do I follow the schedule/routine: of course not. I think of it, but just never seem to do it. Sigh.

But this week I was determined that, after forensically doing my daily gratitudes for the last week, I would get my TToT done in time to share with this most welcoming community. I haven’t counted yet, so I don’t know just how many Things of Thankfulness will appear. Leave it to my subconscious and magic.

1. Two therapists (one who calls me and the other I visit). I have been away from therapy for a long time, except for self-therapy, as I’ve mentioned.

2. A cheer-leading friend lets me be the ranting nutbar I am. She supplied pep-talk emails that I really needed.

3. One of my gladiolus is blooming with delicate pink and white blossoms.

4. The half-price fig tree keeps growing taller and producing more figs. Finally figuring out the space to liberate it from it’s container. In a warm, sunny corner, protected by cedars. Need to rearrange the flag stones, move the swinging bench, but I think Figgy will find it acceptable. (I have a naming habit/fixation.)

5. Hugs on a day I needed hugs. Been down and in pain, so some days are truly a struggle. On those days, I especially need hugs.

6. Helping a friend with her Monday Mindfulness blog. In searching for topical quotes, I learn a lot about myself and my tao of healing.

7. Sticking more closely to the elimination diet I am trying to help with my digestive issues. I have dieted all my life, one way or the other, and just like any commitment, I find it difficult to adhere.

8. Continuing to occasionally write and post. Funny, now that I have a reservoir  of words, dipping my fishing net into the pool for writing seems to leave few words for other things – like email and texting.

9. Learning to replace should with could when thinking about things in the past and present. Should holds regret, loss, anger, sadness; could holds promise.

10. A weekly exercise like Ten Things of Thankful to make me thing of starscapes swirling; good among the detritus of bad; full moon brightness, the orange fingers of dawn cradling the moon. Helping make me realize I need to become the activist I once was in these dangerous times.

Think about participating in TToT: it is a good exercise within a warm, welcoming community. And, when glum, reminds you of the small (or large) gratitudes you have. And ten is a nebulous number, as we are reminded. Something to aim for but it there’s only one or two – the go with those. I am trying to replace should with could; good with bad; despair with hope; holding on with letting go. On my tao of mental and physical healing, this is a special bench to sit and ponder.

image: J.W. Waterhouse, “Study of a Girl”