Whatever our purpose, today’s task is to look at that idea of watching something we have not been invited to be a part of.

To write down words of forever outsider.

To hear of balloons, cake and surprises, not invited; dazzle, rhythm, sensual dances never asked to.

To try to fit in; be as one with others; sting of ritual rejection.

To watch communities of friendship and comradery, but never break into circle to feel warm of hand in hand.

To be nobody screaming into the void, never hearing echoes.

Too easily forgotten; virtually ignored.

So words flowed as tears. Forever outsider.

mlmm saturday’s mix 27 May 2017

As an outsider, I have found affinity with many songs which speak to the loneliness, the rejection, the “always looking in.” These three Indigo Girl’s songs reprise such feelings.

I don’t know if it was real or in a dream
Lately waking up I’m not sure where I’ve been
There was a table set for six and five were there
I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair
And there was steam on the windows from the kitchen
Laughter like a language I once spoke with ease
But I’m made mute by the virtue of decision
And I choose most of your life goes on without me
Oh the fear I’ve known
That I might reap the praise of strangers
And end up on my own
All I’ve sown was a song
But maybe I was wrong

I said to you the one gift which I’d adore
The package of the next 10 years unfolding
But you told me if I had my way I’d be bored
Right then I knew I loved you best born of your scolding
When we last talked we were lying on our backs
Looking at the sky through the ceiling
I used to lie like that alone out on the driveway
Trying to read the Greek upon the stars
The alphabet of feeling
Oh I knew back then
It was a calling that said if joy then pain
The sound of the voice these years later
Is still the same

I am alone in a hotel room tonight
I squeeze the sky out but there’s not a star appears
Begin my studies with this paper and this pencil
And I’m working through the grammar of my fears
Oh mercy what I won’t give
To have the things that mean the most
Not to mean the things I miss
Unforgiving the choice still is
The language or the kiss

Songwriters: EMILY ANN SALIERS

Data from: LyricFind

Guess I wasn’t the best one to ask
Me myself with my face pressed
Up against love’s glass
To see the shiny toy I’ve been hoping for
The one I never can afford
The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
But the paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers
No match for the predators of pain inside her

I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two

I was born under the sign of cancer (love will come to you)
Like brushing cloth I smooth the wrinkles for an answer (love will come)
And I’m always closing my eyes and wishing I’m fine (I close my eyes and wish you fine)
Even though I know I’m not this time (even though I know your not this time)

And I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two

Dodging your memories a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on other’s lives

I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through (I have offered up to you)
Where there’s now one there will be two

And I wish her insight to battle love’s blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there’s more than love that matters

Songwriters: EMILY ANN SALIERS

Data from: LyricFind

She won’t recover from her losses,
She’s not chosen this path, but she watches who it crosses
Maybe move to the right, maybe move to the left
So we can all see her pain she wears like a banner on her chest
And we all say it’s sad, and we think it’s a shame
And she’s called to our attention, but we do not call her name,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.

We’re busy with our happiness, busy with our plans
I wonder if alone she wants it taken from her hands
But if things didn’t get any harder
She might miss her sacred chance to go a consecrated martyr,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.

I wonder which saint that lives inside a bead
will grant her consolation when she counts upon her need
It makes us all angry though we feign to care
But who will be the scale to weigh the cross she has to bear,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.

“Is the glass half-full or empty?” I ask her as I fill it
She said it doesn’t really matter, pretty soon you’re bound to spill it.
With the half logic language of the sermon she delivers
And the way she smiles so knowingly at me gives me the shivers
I pull the blanket higher when I’m finally safe at home
And she’ll take a hundred with her, but she always sleeps alone,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.

Songwriters: EMILY ANN SALIERS

Data from: LyricFind