Thanks to Wendy for giving me the opportunity to share my experience with panxiety on her blog. I decided to reblog it in case anyone reading my blog might find it of interest.
And thanks to Wendy for the wonderful introduction, too.
Today I’d like to introduce Lorraine of My Frilly Freudian Slip. Lorraine is a good friend of mine and the author of beautiful poetry and prose. You will find her writings at myfrillyfreudianslip.wordpress.com.
Lorraine is fighting Bipolar I and severe anxiety. They can’t find medications that work for her. Following you will read a first hand account of what it is like to live with “Panxiety”.
photo by Lorraine of My Frilly Freudian Slip
“Pounding heart. Constricted throat. Knotted stomach. Dread washes over me. A panxiety attack.
Coming, unbidden, from some where inside my mind; spilling into my consciousness and flooding my body with anxiousness.
Breathe in through nose to count of ten, fill lungs, feel belly lift. Hold. Breath out slowly to ten.
Drift – visualize place of calm. Walking on beach, tide tickling toes. Finding beach treasures: sea glass, sand dollar. Smell sea tang. Feel breeze…
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March 16, 2017 at 10:12 am
I read through the post at Wendy’s place but decided to comment here (don’t know why) ….
(((((((Lorraine)))))))
The image, wow – I find it intriguing and disturbing, while of course, being simultaneously curious about it – but I think it really captures that edge, the blur, the lines, the energy that is off, a jumble, like a mess of electrical lines ….
and your sharing of the experience, your experience, – well thank you – it helps me understand better – because apart from a few odd placed and badly timed panic attacks, my anxiety doesn’t manifest at all like this and I don’t suffer like you do. So yes, this helps me understand you and how hard it can be and is.
Just a thought – since most meds don’t work for you – just a question? what about Xanax?
have you ever tried that? – that’s for the anxiety and if taken regularly might help you feel less constricted and better able to cope?
(just curious and you don’t have to openly respond – if you wish, by email, if you want and whenever etc.)
I wish I could offer up some ideas that might help you …. but I don’t think I could offer anything that you probably haven’t already tried – but maybe just …. keep trying, and maybe try some of the things that didn’t work before, because sometimes, years later, something might “fit the moment better” and actually get you through ….
(((((((((Lorraine)))))))))))
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March 16, 2017 at 11:06 am
Thanks for your thoughtful and encouraging comment.
Xanax (generic) worked — but I have had trouble convincing doctors to prescribe again. Some feel I was on it for too long; others didn’t like the dose (addiction? I don’t think so); and then there is the “I’m the doctor, you’re the patient” attitude. I prefer Xanax — still anxiety, but more under control. Also, for a while, some bipolar medication was stabilizing to a point — then more even. Had to stop due to dangerous and frightening side effects, and nothing yet has had the same effect — some meds I think make my bipolar worse! I keep trying to avoid the meds — to breathe, walk (not pace), drift (my form of meditation).
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March 16, 2017 at 11:15 am
*nodding head* …. I can understand there would or could be a whole unholy host of side effects and contraindications that would adversely work against you and the conditions, which makes it harder to sort out.
I asked about Xanax because I had a friend who was on it forever (maybe still is) and she had different doses – a steady low dose that kept her “even” and able to function normally, and then, when needed, a higher dose.
It’s totally frustrating when you have to argue for your rights to what actually works. Damn it! That just is so wrong. It almost makes one desperate to do something drastic, which of course is NOT a good thing and wouldn’t help in the long run, but still, it shouldn’t have to be this hard. And yeah, you’re right, it’s better to try to find a “platform” of mixed treatments – less drug reliant etc. but like it or not, some people really do need a base of medications combined with different techniques to work. I mean, crap – it’s like refusing insulin to a diabetic? Argh.
Right – thanks for clearing this up – I think we talked about it wayy long ago …. and just because you fight the fight every day …. and yes, YOU DO STILL SHINE AND SPARKLE LIKE PIXIE DUST – (((((((Lorraine)))))))
❤💖💕
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March 16, 2017 at 11:26 am
Thanks, (((((Pat)))))! I love the idea that I sparkle like pixie dust. Wishing you a blowing bubbles sort of day.
I was on Xanax like your friend — I took the lowest dose when I could, and added extra when the anxiety was high. I will try again when I find a new medicating shrink that is amenable to listening to me, and advocating with the health insurance provider re some of the new mood stabilizing and antidepressant drugs that are considered off limits.
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March 16, 2017 at 11:49 am
You’re welcome :)
I know it’s hard when it seems and feels darkest, but try to remember you are pixie dust :D
And thank you – I will try to keep the bubbles bubbly today :)
And I hope that you can finally get someone who actually is going to work with you – because honestly, sometimes these people are so bloody archaic – and you have to wonder about their ethics – they may think they have the answers, but just aren’t really listening – and if you had a good track record? then well, sometimes, I just want to scream: walk half a day in my shoes and see how well you cope or fare???
So …. sending you good and positive thoughts that you will be able to find some way for it to come together in a beneficial way ….
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March 16, 2017 at 11:57 am
Thanks — do you have a bubble wand? Dollar stores sell bubble maker wands with the soapy liquid. Lots of fun when need a whimsical distraction. Like when the soap bubbles escape from the sink when washing dishes. An indoor and outdoor exercise. Never tried making bubbles outside when it was at or below zero — wonder if they would freeze like water does in the air if it’s cold enough. Hmmm. When the laundry is done — not quite cold enough for freezing though.
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March 16, 2017 at 12:19 pm
Yes, I have a bubble thingy sitting in a drawer. :D
And yes, you can do bubbles outside, even when it’s below freezing, but it’s much harder – and sometimes, you luck out and the bubble will freeze rainbow perfect for a few moments – you can Google search it on the net and see some pretty cool stuff …. but hey, nothing like playing it out for oneself ;)
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March 16, 2017 at 12:22 pm
Will give it a go this afternoon — but the temp will be above freezing in the sun (I think — haven’t checked the temperature lately)
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March 16, 2017 at 12:26 pm
hey, even if it’s too warm in the sun, you never know what will happen, and bubbles are just great all around ;)
Have fun!🎉
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March 16, 2017 at 12:54 pm
Thanks! I’ll let you know the results — hey maybe even pictures!
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March 16, 2017 at 1:40 pm
way cool :)
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