No a happy celebratory piece. Please don’t read if your mood is up and you are enjoying this festive season. But . . . .
A reminder that in this season of celebration and joy, folks still decide to end their lives. Suicide doesn’t take a break to drink eggnog and open presents. To toast the new year.
I battle depression every day, and some years I my shield and sword are more battered than others during this festive season.
Especial ((((((hugs))))) to all whose shields and swords bear the marks of recent battle.
Remember there are suicide hot lines staffed by people who will listen, understand, and care. This is not easy to read; it was not easy to write — ripping at scabs never is.
May 2017 be gentle and kind.
image: #writephoto: time & prompt: mlmm Tale Weaver: Celebration
celebration: time in fractals
Fractals of seconds left
I remain resolute
can take no more
of this so-called life
the bottles emptied
on the table
sorted by color
by strength
my strength
must not waiver
clock ticks another
fractal
another light
pops on the string
one two
eat a few
best plate awaits
three four
try some more
mix the pink with purple
what a festive plate
closer to the door
try the blue ones
nice appetizers
don’t mind if I do
five six
don’t get sick
fractal ticks
minuscule minutes
til midnight
til the end of 2016
til the end of me
seven eight
heaven or hell awaits
St. Pete or Satan at the gates
nine ten
I hear I again
bang bang bag
clock strikes like door
eleven twelve
dig and delve
smashing in
crashing in
not midnight yet
no nineteen twenty
my plates a’ empty
not in 2016
I am floating not up or down
but on an ambulance bed
as the clock strikes twelve
(c) Lorraine
December 31, 2016 at 8:42 pm
Thx, and a Happy New Year from good ol’ Europe. ;-)
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December 31, 2016 at 8:42 pm
Reblogged this on WENEZIA™ – Weidens neue Mitte!.
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December 31, 2016 at 6:39 pm
Thoughts are with you. Have been there with depression, and it still sneaks up on me when I least expect it. May 2017 be a good year for you. :)
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December 31, 2016 at 9:46 pm
Thank you.
When depression is a way of life, you can forget how deep and dark the abyss can get.
May 2017 be a depression-free year for you.
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December 31, 2016 at 6:18 pm
Thank you so much for posting this, Lorriane. It is not an easy time for many…and that gets forgotten when others celebrate. Hugs x
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December 31, 2016 at 9:47 pm
Thanks for reblogging, Sue. I know it’s a tough reminder, but watching others celebrate can be so hard when you feel you have nothing to celebrate yourself.
Thanks for the hugs, and all best in 2017
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December 31, 2016 at 6:17 pm
Reblogged this on Sue Vincent's Daily Echo.
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December 31, 2016 at 3:15 am
As you’ve said, so well and pointedly …. depression and suicidal tendencies and people don’t stop to drink eggnog …. and this time of year can just make it all the more intense …..
so yes, I appreciate the honesty and strength in this piece. It’s hard and cold and unflinching, but it captures the “play” of a mind that is struggling as the spirit fights within itself ….. the “sing song” poem of choosing the pills, the colours …. I can understand the need …. been there, although I never quite had the whole shebang to make enough of a difference, which, maybe is a good thing, or maybe not … either way, here I am.
and just because (((((Lorraine)))))
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December 31, 2016 at 12:04 pm
The holidays can be tough on folks — all the joviality and togetherness contrasts how they feel. I tried to capture the darker side of the holidays, and remind people that for some, this is a very difficult time.
I hope it doesn’t act as a trigger — just a reminder.
Thanks for the (((((hugs))))).
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December 31, 2016 at 5:03 pm
well, you know, sometimes it is important to really stop and consider that even in a room full of people, someone can be very lonely – and yes, there are many who are truly lost and alone …. if anything, being aware and perhaps pausing for a few thoughts, sending out some good vibes, might be useful
thanks for the hugs too :)
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December 30, 2016 at 5:17 pm
I hope 2017 is a better year for you too…..as you said to me it was something you needed to write and I am fine with that….its a timely reminded that depression is all year round, a daily event for those who suffer in its grasp….If anything I thought you captured the element of despair in very stark and graphic ways….Tale Weaver can always manage the other side of the equation…
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December 30, 2016 at 8:08 pm
I’m glad you feel Tale Weaver can handle the dark side of things. That’s one of my prompts (oops — spoiler, secret alert) for 2017.
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December 30, 2016 at 8:12 pm
TW is very resilient I think. Bring it on we’ll see what we can make of it…
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December 30, 2016 at 8:14 pm
Thanks. Not all are dark, or at least I don’t think so. But then I’m wearing depression-coloured glasses . . .
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December 30, 2016 at 8:16 pm
Well so long as you can see some things clearly all is good….those glasses can be distorting can’t they.
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December 30, 2016 at 8:38 pm
Yes they can — the opposite of rose-coloured glassed I guess. Judgement can be difficult. You’re not sure who is doing the talking, the feeling — the depressed you or the depression demons. Voices are quite similar, you know.
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December 30, 2016 at 8:43 pm
I think the demons are the ones with a cackle at the end of each sentence
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December 30, 2016 at 8:55 pm
Probably, if I listened to the whole sentence, I would hear it. I guess I just take in the first part.
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December 30, 2016 at 8:56 pm
I’ll try and listen for that tell-tale cackle
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December 30, 2016 at 8:56 pm
Let them finish mate then kick em up the arse
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December 30, 2016 at 8:57 pm
Going shopping tomorrow — perhaps I should add jackboots for demon ass kicking to the list.
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December 30, 2016 at 8:58 pm
Sounds like a positive plan. Big steel caps.
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December 30, 2016 at 9:13 pm
Bigger the better.
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